Adjusting after redployment

Redeployment, the official term for soldiers returning home, is a time of crazy emotions. On the one hand, you’re incredibly relieved and happy your soldier is home. On the other hand, you’ve spent their entire deployment coping with their absence and your carefully planned world is thrown upside down. Mac’s first redeployment was a learning experience. We didn’t really have any clue what we were doing and had some speed bumps in our road to normalcy. Part of our issues stemmed from a lack of communication. We worked through everything and were back to our usual selves in a few weeks.

Here are some of my tips from two deployments and homecomings.

1. Plan time apart. It’s a bit overwhelming to go from months apart to spending every single moment together during block leave. This could be natural because you both have to work. This could be planned so that each of you get to do your own thing and could be as easy as a trip to the grocery store or the gym alone. Trust me, you’ll need it.

2. Be mindful of the kids, if you have them. Obviously, I don’t, but most of my friends have dealt with deployments with kids. Kids cope and deal with separation differently depending on their ages. Being a military family means that you have dozens of families going through or who have gone through the same thing. Reach out to them.

3. Whether you like it or not, people change. Mac and I have spent two year-long deployments apart. You can change a lot over the course of a year, from what you look like to your tastes and hobbies. Take the time to learn about each other again, just like when you were first dating.

4. Understand that soldiers need time to readjust. This includes everything from driving to work to working normal hours to not carrying a weapon. I noticed that for weeks after Mac’s first deployment, he would instinctively reach for a rifle every time we left the house. He also preferred me driving when we went places. By the time his block leave ended (about a month after they came home), he had rediscovered his non-deployed routines and habits.

5. Talk about it. I’ve read many articles about military couples having marital or relationship issues after deployments. A good portion of those couples weren’t communicating, were becoming frustrated, and started fighting because of it.  Not talking won’t resolve your problems. So talk to each other. If you don’t know what to say or where to start, ask your chaplain or a family counselor (get their contact info from your FRG leader) to set up a session.

6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Hopefully, you had a good support system in place during the deployment. If you need a date night, financial advice for adjusting to smaller paychecks, or professional marital counseling, ask for help. The military has tons of resources for their families; most are just a phone call or an Internet search away.

What would you add to this list?